“Many people marvel at other people’s lights, not realizing the light that exists within themselves—and that the purpose of other people shining their light was never to distract them from discovering their own light, but to remind them of the light that has always existed within them.” Tahlia Hunter
Everyone has an inner light. We can’t always see it, because sometimes the dimmer switch has been turned down. That light within you is your inner wisdom—the quiet guidance that helps you live authentically and be the best version of yourself. Some people call it the grace of God, the soul, the higher self, or Buddha nature. Whatever name you use, it is the same inner light, and it illuminates the path of love, understanding, and compassion.
Each of us has a dimmer switch for our inner light. Every day, we make choices that either brighten that light or dim it. When our light is brighter, we bring kindness, warmth, wisdom, understanding, and love to ourselves and to those around us.
But when we struggle to sit with discomfort, we often turn the dimmer down. We numb out. We distract ourselves. We avoid.
“We learn how to dodge it from a young age. Tough day at school? Let’s go get an ice cream cone. Disturbed about something that happened with a friend? Let’s go watch a show. Sad about that breakup? How about a drink, dessert, or shopping spree?” Cecily Mak
These “dimmers” are coping strategies we learned during difficult times—especially when we didn’t believe we had the strength to cope in healthier ways. They usually offer quick relief, but that relief is short-lived. Over time, they disconnect us from ourselves and keep us from living authentically. We postpone hard decisions. We avoid our feelings. We push anything uncomfortable below the line.
“A dimmer is anything we use, often unconsciously, to soothe, numb, distract, or bypass a feeling we’re not ready to experience. Some dimmers are obvious, like alcohol or overeating. Others are polished and socially ‘approved’: overworking, overgiving, perfectionism, multitasking, doomscrolling, saying yes when we mean no.” Cecily Mak
Some dimmers are easy to recognize. We know that overeating, smoking, excessive drinking, or drug use are harming us—yet we return to them because of the quick relief they bring.
Other dimmers are socially acceptable, even encouraged. We praise busyness, which can turn into workaholism—a way to avoid feeling. Many women, especially, are rewarded for taking care of others, sometimes leading to toxic generosity: giving and helping as a way to escape our own discomfort. Being told to “keep a stiff upper lip” teaches us to bury emotions so deeply that we hide them even from ourselves.
The dimmer that does the most damage is our inner critic. It represents all the critical, disappointed voices from our childhood. The inner critic played a role in your childhood to allow you to control the more wayward forces of anger, rage, greed, and selfishness, often by using shame. For most of us, our inner critic has lived past its sell-by date, we no longer need that harsh voice haranguing us at every turn. When we let our inner critic have its way, we dim our light.
There are so many possible dimmers that when we stop using one, another often pops up to take its place. Our minds use dimmers not to punish us, but to protect us from feelings we don’t want to face. Understanding this is important, because it replaces self-judgment with curiosity and grace. As Mak reminds us:
“The question isn’t, Why can’t I stop doing this? Instead, it becomes, What is this dimmer helping me avoid, and what can I learn from that?” Cecily Mak
Noticing Your Dimmers
The goal of noticing your dimmers is not to give your inner critic more ammunition. It’s about reclaiming choice. When dimmers stay below the line—unnoticed—they quietly take control of our lives.
You may begin to see your dimmers when you:
- Notice what you reach for when you feel depleted
- Pay attention to activities where “just five minutes” turns into a long rabbit hole
- Observe where you check out or become someone else
- Look closely at the habits you defend most strongly
- Hear the judgments from your inner critic
A clear sign a dimmer has taken over is when your breathing becomes shallow, your body feels tight or contracted, you become easily irritated, or you feel the urge to bolt.
Reflection
Let’s explore our potential dimmers. Take a few moments to brainstorm dimmers you—or people you know—might use. Broaden your awareness of the ways youmay be dimming your light without realizing it.
Undimming
Once you recognize your dimmers, you have a choice. You can continue to let them dim your light—or you can choose another response.
“Undimming isn’t dramatic. It’s refusing to ghost ourselves. Paying attention, telling the truth—to ourselves and others—and staying present long enough to feel what’s real. It’s not sexy, but it can be life-changing.” Cecily Mak
Awareness makes dimmers easier to spot. Instead of hopping on the hamster wheel of reactivity, you can pause and gently ask, What’s happening inside me right now? Often, you’ll find an uncomfortable feeling you’d rather push below the line. Simply naming that feeling reduces its power. You’ll also see that the quick fix your dimmer offers won’t last—the feeling will return.
When you need support to stay with discomfort, try taking a deep breath, placing a hand on your heart, or using a mantra. A mantra reminds you that you are not broken—you are whole. You are simply uncovering who you truly are.
Some phrases I use are:
- I am enough.
- I am worthy.
- I can be with this for a couple of breaths.
After pausing, choose a small action to replace the dimmer. Instead of scrolling on your phone, step outside for a minute. Instead of reaching for a sugary drink, choose water or tea. Instead of candy or ice cream, move your body. Instead of automatically saying “yes,” try, “Let me think about it.”
Don’t try to change all your dimmers at once. That sets you up for frustration. Start with just one and commit to changing your action for one week. Decide on the action you’ll take instead. Each morning, remind yourself of your intention to undim. Each evening, celebrate your wins—and offer yourself compassion where you struggled. These habits took years to form, and they take time to unlearn.
When we become aware of our dimmers, we can begin to shed our self-doubt and our people pleasing tendencies. We see where our lack of boundaries holds us back. When we undim, we align with our authentic self, letting our true purpose shine.
As we close, I invite you to pause for just a moment.
Your inner light has never disappeared. It has never been broken or lost. At times, it has simply been dimmed—often in moments when you were trying to protect yourself or survive something difficult. There is no shame in that.
You don’t have to undim everything today. You don’t have to fix yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Even a small moment of awareness—a pause, a breath, a kinder choice—is enough to let a little more light shine through.
As you leave today, carry this with you:
Your light is real.
Your light is enough.
And every time you choose presence over numbing, truth over avoidance, and compassion over self-criticism, your light grows brighter—not just for you, but for everyone you encounter.