What to Do in Difficult, Uncertain Times

“When the political reality clashes with our deepest hopes for humanity, we must practice resistance—through compassionate listening. Through tender presence. Through curiosity. Through deep awareness of one another’s humanity. Through truth-telling. We must practice resilience. Patience. Fairness. Humanity. We must remember that we were born to love one another. That showing up for one another is a profound act of courage. That peace is possible. That cynicism is a choice, and so is hope.” Rabbi Sharon Brous

I would really like to practice tender presence, curiosity,resilience and compassionate listening. One of my teachers, Thich Nhat Hanh was able to do so even in the most horrific circumstances. He was helping the injured and the innocent in the war in Vietnam, straddling between the two sides. He was exiled from Vietnam. And yet, he exudes equanimity.

“Someone asked me, ‘Aren’t you worried about the state of the world?’ I allowed myself to breathe and then I said that what is most important is not to allow your anxiety about what happens in the world to fill your heart. If your heart is filled with anxiety, you will get sick, and you will not be able to help.” Thich Nhat Hanh

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, equanimity means “calmness and composure, especially in a difficult situation.” Equanimity is a wisdom that protects our mind from the discouragement and frustration when our lack of control is clear. It’s being willing and able to accept things as they are in this moment—whether they’re frustrating, boring, exciting, disappointing, or painful. It’s the mindful presence that neither grasps nor resists experience.

Equanimity is the middle ground between being indifferent and overwhelmed. When things are too much, we can close down and stop caring. That is my tendency, especially with the recent election. When on Wednesday morning, I saw Trump won I decided to forgo the news for the day. Instead, I distracted myself by picking out fabrics to make my daughter-in-law placemats for Christmas, worked on a plan to update the SnowFlower website, and put my nose in a good book. It may have looked like the election results did not affect me, but if you looked closely, you’d see how much tension and tightness my body was carrying. I was sweeping what I didn’t want to deal with under the carpet, I closed down to protect myself.

On Thursday I swung to the other end of the continuum, I got overwhelmed. My prefrontal cortex shut down and my vision narrowed, making me closed-minded. All I could see were the potential catastrophes. I spent the day catastrophizing. This terrible thing is going to happen, and that terrible thing is going to happen. Thich Nhat Hanh’s question, “Are you sure?” helped me get out of that loop of despair.

On Friday, I was trying to be in the middle ground, where the calm comes from a clarity of understanding. I read a NYT article that talked about how inflation tapped into “loss aversion.” Even though wages have kept up with or surpassed inflation, people still feel more pained by sticker shock at the grocery store than elated by their gains. Understanding one of the causes that made people vote the way they did helped a little. But I was still feeling restless and depressed.

On Friday morning I tried just meditating for 30 minutes with my unsettled, sad/mad/frustrated feelings. Each time my mind tried to distract me and pull me away, I went back to the restless, heavy feelings in my body. After the meditation, I was still feeling really down. Although it is vital to feel your feelings, you may have to titrate them, feeling a little at a time. Meditation is not always enough to calm your body.

I realized this when I went to Oakhill Corrections to teach about RAIN. I realized that I had done the first two steps of RAIN, Recognize and Admit. But I couldn’t progress to the Investigate stage. I was stuck as I didn’t have the internal strength. So, I needed to skip to the Nurture/Navigate step, looking at what I really need to move forward so my anxiety doesn’t paralyze me.

“Most people who are anxious don’t feel like being creative. But if you do something creative, anxiety can’t function. This act of being creative helps us feel like we’re starting to create the world in which we want to live.” Martha Beck

Remembering this quote, I decided the best thing I could do was to make this the topic for my talk for Mindful Moments, and research ideas that we can all use to deal with this difficult, uncertain time. Here is what I discovered:

Focus on What You Can Control

“I can’t change the whole world
But I can change the world I know
What’s within three feet or so” Carrie Newcomer

• While we can’t change the outcome of the election, we can look at what we can do locally to influence change—whether through voting, community activism, supporting local leaders, or supporting public interest legal firms.
• Choose what media you will use for news. Keep in mind that reading the news is a less emotional way of gathering information than watching the news. Set limits for how much news you will consume.
• We can take small actions daily.
  • Simply be kind, curious and respectful.
  • Learn how to have conversations with people whose viewpoints are different from yours.
  • Open your eyes to the many basically decent people who think differently than you do.
  • Help out a neighbor.
  • Listen to a friend.
  • Walk in nature.
  • Do something creative.

“Do all you can with what you have, in the time you have, in the place you are.” ― Nkosi Johnson

Practice Mindfulness and Stress-Relief Techniques

“There’s a benefit to simply sitting with erect posture and breathing more deeply, even if your mind is monkeying around. You are still altering your stress response and getting on the path to retraining your mind. Meditation stimulates the vagus nerve, which is the most important nerve in your parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) nervous system.” Sara Gottfried, MD

• Use Breath Practices and Breath Poems to recover your inner quiet, allowing you to touch your inner goodness which is the source of all your strength and clarity.
• Use Inner Strength Phrases to fill your tank. Be kind to yourself, give yourself the same compassion you would give to a good friend.
• Use Taking in the Good to orient yourself to see the positives in the world without sweeping the negatives under the carpet. Taking in the good reminds you of what you take for granted.
• Use exercise, movement, or time in nature to work off some nervous tension. This opens some space in your mind so that something other than your thoughts can come into you.
• Use relaxation techniques, such as going to your happy place.
• Use journaling to help understand what you are feeling.

Tease out the Fact from the Fiction in the Stories You Are Telling Yourself

“No one can predict the future with absolute certainty. Our minds often fill in the gaps of the unknown with worst-case scenarios, but these fears are just possibilities, not certainties. If we accept that we don’t know exactly what will happen, we realize our fears can’t be absolute truths. In other words, we can’t say with absolute certainty our worst fears will come true.” Allison Carmen

• Trump has said a lot of things that he will do, however he appears to change his mind often. So, we don’t know for certain that he will become a dictator, implement mass deportations, or any of the other ideas that you are ruminating about. Ask yourself, “Are you sure?” And if you are not, don’t let that story keep playing out in your mind.
• Keep in mind, the U.S. government has numerous checks and balances designed to prevent any one individual, including the president, from having unchecked power. The states, citizens, the press, and advocacy groups hold significant power in challenging policies and actions they disagree with.

Reframe Your Perspective

“When the Dalai Lama faces questions about what to do with our grief and loss, he always uses the phrase, wider perspective—whether it’s wider in time or space…. So, I always want to avoid having too narrow a perspective, both in terms of just being caught up in this moment and also just being caught up in my little life and failing to see all the improvements in the world and all the possibility.” Pico Iyer

• It may be true that Trump’s administration will be a disaster. But life is not binary. It will not be all bad. As Mr. Rogers would say, “Look for the helpers.”
• Remember history has shown that democracy is resilient, even through turbulent times. Every administration has its ups and downs, but systemic change often happens incrementally.
• Find hope in the stories of positive change happening at the grassroots level, in communities, and in organizations that work toward progress.

Talk About Your Concerns

• Speaking with trusted friends, family, or even a therapist about your feelings can help you process your anxiety and gain perspective.
• Joining groups where people share similar values or concerns can offer solidarity, a sense of purpose, and concrete ways to channel anxiety into productive activism.

Remember That Anxiety is a Normal Response

• Research by Stanford Psychologist James Gross found that suppressing our emotions actually leads to the opposite of what we want. When we try to hide our emotions, we actually experience them more strongly physiologically.
• Anxiety often arises when we feel uncertain or powerless. Recognizing that your anxiety is a natural response to political stress can help reduce the sense of being overwhelmed. You’re not alone in feeling this way.
• It’s okay to feel anxious or upset. Be kind to yourself as you navigate complex emotions during stressful times.

“An optimist isn’t necessarily a blithe, slightly sappy whistler in the dark of our time. To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.” Howard Zinn